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How To Avoid People Pleasing During Your Wedding Planning

Your wedding day is set to be one of the most important, and most memorable, days of your life, but are you causing yourself more stress than you need to by trying to please everyone?

Guest experience is of course important for your wedding and thinking of others should never be a bad thing and you should plan your wedding deeply caring that your guests enjoy the day but you also need to go into wedding planning with healthy boundaries and a firm understanding of what you and your partner wants your wedding to look like. It is important that you consider your guests’ experience whilst planning, but it is equally if not more important, to think of yourself. The struggle to follow through on this is so real – we’ve been conditioned to make decisions based on what other people think and we care so much about their opinions that it can become paralyzing to get anything done. 

Its such a fine line, you want (and SHOULD) be a considerate person but you also deserve to have the wedding day you want, the one that is a perfect representation of your relationship with your fiancé. This is where people pleasing while planning a wedding becomes a bit difficult. 

It’s near impossible, in any situation, to please everyone, so are you adding more pressure by listening to too many people and trying to ensure that you please everyone else, rather than just focussing on what you want? Are you so busy trying to create a day that others will enjoy that you have somehow managed to forget what it is that you actually want? Are those original ideas that you had being pushed aside by all the ‘wants’ and ‘needs’ of others? All of a sudden that magical day you were looking forward to has gotten out of control and seemingly run away with itself as you put everyone else first.

Are you a people pleaser?

It can be easy to get caught up in thinking that you need to take on board everyone else’s thoughts and opinions, especially when it comes from those who will form a key role in your wedding party. But do you actually have to listen to what they are saying? Have you found yourself going along with ideas that you don’t like just to keep others happy and because you want to ‘keep the peace’?

It’s a great feeling when we can make others feel happy and valued, and a massive boost to our own mood when we put a smile on someone else’s face, but are you doing that to the detriment of you own mental health and your own enjoyment of your wedding? Is the extra stress that you are feeling right now really worth it, or do you need to learn how to say no, and learn fast?

Learn to say no.

It might feel like the scariest thing you have to do but learning how to say no could be the difference between a day that you look back on with joy and a day that you look back on with feelings of anxiety and possibly even regret.

If saying no is something that you normally struggle with then you need to start getting in some practice now. Start with small everyday things that people ask of you and instead of saying yes, like you normally would, say no. Be polite but be firm. Don’t allow yourself to be pushed around.

Four tips on how to say no.

  1. Have a clear idea of what it is that you want. What really matters to you and why? Try to stay focussed on that. You can listen to the ideas of others but remember to ask yourself – does this fit with the things I really love and want to include? If not, then say no.
  2. Set a clear budget and then allocate that budget to the areas that are most important to you. When someone comes to you with an idea, or a request, have a look at your budget. Is it possible to accommodate? Will it mean you have to give up something else that you really want? If it means you have to compromise in a way that you don’t want to then say no.
  3. Think clearly about if the suggestion will help to enhance your day or if it will take away from it. Does this new idea fill you with light or is it filling you with dread? If it’s the latter, then say no.
  4. Enlist the help of your partner. Is this new request coming from a member of your partner’s family or one of their close friends? If it’s not something that you want to include, then get them to say no. You’re not alone in planning this day, it is for both of you so take advantage of that.

At the end of the day, keep in mind that it is your wedding and it all comes down to what the two of you want, above all else. When we start thinking too much about others, we start to forget about what we wanted in the first place. Whilst, you should be considerate of your guests, it’s important to acknowledge that there’s a balance and you can still be a considerate host and keep your wedding in line with your vision. 

It’s absolutely okay to thank people for their thoughts and opinions and decide to go in a different direction or stick to your gut. At the end of the day, you need to marry the love of your life, be a kind host, have a day that represents you as a couple and celebrate!

Don’t let anyone take away from your joy.

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